On The Mend

So, Ive started my Zoloft, but unlike Xanax, or Valium, Zoloft doesn't give you instant gratification, its not like you pop the pill, and you're OCD free an hour later, Zoloft can up to 6 weeks to have even built up in your system enough to start to make any difference. Which means for the first month and a half, there was nothing. This was frustrating, because here I was ready to be "all better" but thats not how it works, even after the 6 weeks, its still you working and fixing and pushing to get past any urges. 

And before I forget, you also have to titrate up on Zoloft, which means you go from 25 mg, to 50 mg, to 75 mg, to 100 mg, to 125 mg, to 150 mg, to 175 mg, to 200 mg which fills up your 6 week waiting, because you're so busy trying to figure out how much to take and if its actually doing anything to notice that after all those weeks you've FINALLY made it to 200mg ( the "Norm" dose for OCD). Now let me also remind you that over these weekly titrates you get to deal with the fun side effects which thankfully I didn't have until I reached 200mg. This found my laying in my bed at 2am crying from nausea-- but hey once I threw up I felt so much better :p Now this blog isn't meant to scare anyone out of taking medication from being scared of side effects, because honestly one night of nausea has nothing on giving me a new lease on life!

One thing I was reminded over and over was that the medication does not fix everything, I have to work on myself. When someone pushed into me at the mall, I had to control myself from freaking out, if my fork touched the table-- too bad, I had to use it anyway, when I met someone professionally, that handshake was a necessity. These may seem like mere everyday things, and before they would have been to me as well, but at that point they were HUGE obstacles. 

I've now been on medication for 8 months, I’m up at 225 mg, and feeling a lot like my old self, but BETTER, I always thought I was above medication, but we learn something new every day! I can now do many things that I couldn’t fathom being able to do before, even though I may not be able to do it 100% OCD free... YET :) 

Yours Truly, 

The OCDiva